Long story short.
I reconnected 8 months ago with an old high school friend after 10 years when everyone was reconnecting for our reunion.
He is married for 5 years and in the same unhappy relationship situation as I am.
We started chatting as friend and it has developed into him wanting to meet me which I am very hesitant about at all since he is married even if it is just for lunch.
I know we both want more but on both sides kids are involved and advised him to try to make it worth his wife or leave if he is that unhappy.
He even asked to the point what would happen if in 8 months he was single and to just wait. I honestly don't know what to do. I try to hold myself to good moral values but I don't know what to do. I can't really talk to my friends about it since I would get the how awful it is to even talk to a married man. I believe everything in life happens for a reason but am wandering if its really that bad just to meet him for lunch?
5/15/10
How long before you drop the L -BOMB?
Ooooh I remember how I worked myself into a tizzy once I realized I had fallen in love... and didn't know if it was okay to express that. I knew 5 months in that he owned my heart... he had been gaining it all along... at 3 months I felt so much for him but it grew and grew.
I didn't want to say it and scare him with the burden of it ... if he himself did not feel it, but I just longed to say the words. I wanted to tell him I loved him not because I wanted to hear it back (though that would be awesome was my line of thinking at the time lol), I just needed to say it.
I hemmed and hawed and then had the talk asking him how he felt about me and he said everything and anything except for that he loved me, so I didn't feel right to say it. But the weight was heavy on me and I realized... if he doesn't feel what I feel... what am I doing. I pulled back a bit and within the same week of that convey he said it. He held me tight and he said it... before I did -- and it was one of the best moments of my life.
You can't put a time table on saying I love you... the question is ... do you love him. If you do the next question is how important is it to you that he know this.
Saying it, puts your heart on the line and its scary, so scary...but if you say it when you feel it in your heart, when its about to burst because you have to let them know... then you say it. And if they are like me -- and were waiting on those very words -- its magic.
I didn't want to say it and scare him with the burden of it ... if he himself did not feel it, but I just longed to say the words. I wanted to tell him I loved him not because I wanted to hear it back (though that would be awesome was my line of thinking at the time lol), I just needed to say it.
I hemmed and hawed and then had the talk asking him how he felt about me and he said everything and anything except for that he loved me, so I didn't feel right to say it. But the weight was heavy on me and I realized... if he doesn't feel what I feel... what am I doing. I pulled back a bit and within the same week of that convey he said it. He held me tight and he said it... before I did -- and it was one of the best moments of my life.
You can't put a time table on saying I love you... the question is ... do you love him. If you do the next question is how important is it to you that he know this.
Saying it, puts your heart on the line and its scary, so scary...but if you say it when you feel it in your heart, when its about to burst because you have to let them know... then you say it. And if they are like me -- and were waiting on those very words -- its magic.
5/14/10
"What IF" Dont Matter
A friend of mine over the last few months has separated from hes husband. I see her aching and I try to reach out and help her, but you know I remember what it was like. People tried to reach out to me in that time of separation too. But no matter what, there is a part of us when that happens, that does not want to be helped. We want to be able to take the time and lick our wounds. Which is fine to do. But looking back over the situation that I went through, if there is something that I could share with people to help them, I would say steer clear of any relationships for at least 6 months.
A person needs at least 6 months to heal and be able to move on. If you move on before that you will only cause more pain because that relationship is going to more than likely be re-bound, not the real deal.
A person needs at least 6 months to fix self-esteem issues that happen from a break up. I don't know if men do this, but women always over think things and blame themselves for things that went wrong in the relationship. "What-IFs" come into play. What if I had done this differently, or done that, or suppose I had bought that "spice up your sex life" CD. blah blah blah the "what ifs" are endless. I have also seen people do denial where the blame is all on the other person. I am here to remind you that it takes 2, yes TWO, to make or break a relationship. And it's important to remember that none of those what-IFs matter, because none of that is reality. The reality is we are at a sad point in our lives that we are accepting all the blame for the failure. STOP taking on the total blame.
Reality says, you are now alone, you need to do something that makes you feel good again. You need to work on making you happy without depending on another person in your life. If you can not be happy alone, only time will tell how long a relationship will last if you are depending on someone else for happiness. When you depend on someone for happiness, you are making the relationship co-dependant. What a big stress for both of you. It's just NOT a good place to be in.
It's time to take your life back one step at a time. Make a list of things that you have always wanted to do. Then start making plans to do them. I know it's hard to do.
I remember after my boyfriend and I had split up that I had done this and I planned a trip anywhere with my him. My friends went with me to help out. I got up one morning at 5:30 and everyone else was asleep so I had decided to go walking at the beach. I got over there and could only think of how beautiful the place was and how great it would be to share with someone I loved. Before I knew it I was walking and crying and other morning runners/walkers were going by me with weird looks on their faces. That moment was so sad for me, but it was also a freeing moment. Even though I was crying because I was alone, I was still enjoying the view. Each time I planned something on my to-do list and did it, I always held an eerie sadness but at the same time, I freed my spirit because I was working on me and my past too. Healing, and moving forward for me.
That was 3 years ago . I am still single. I have bf now been in im happy for him but through out all of it I was serving my needs as well as others. I healed my soul, and honestly I still find ways of improving my life. I would like to share my life with someone. I can do all the things I want to do on my own. The next big trip I will plan will be my wedding-- in which I want to take place on the white beaches at sunset. I'm not in a hurry to rush that trip, because the next time I get into relationship I want it to be my life-time partner, my best friend for life.
So to anyone out there going through a rough time because of an ending marriage/long-term relationship. There is hope, just reach in and find yourself before worrying about another. And remember that the "What IFs" don't matter. Only deal with what’s real, that helps keep your stressors to a minimum.
I'm here for you when you need me.
A person needs at least 6 months to heal and be able to move on. If you move on before that you will only cause more pain because that relationship is going to more than likely be re-bound, not the real deal.
A person needs at least 6 months to fix self-esteem issues that happen from a break up. I don't know if men do this, but women always over think things and blame themselves for things that went wrong in the relationship. "What-IFs" come into play. What if I had done this differently, or done that, or suppose I had bought that "spice up your sex life" CD. blah blah blah the "what ifs" are endless. I have also seen people do denial where the blame is all on the other person. I am here to remind you that it takes 2, yes TWO, to make or break a relationship. And it's important to remember that none of those what-IFs matter, because none of that is reality. The reality is we are at a sad point in our lives that we are accepting all the blame for the failure. STOP taking on the total blame.
Reality says, you are now alone, you need to do something that makes you feel good again. You need to work on making you happy without depending on another person in your life. If you can not be happy alone, only time will tell how long a relationship will last if you are depending on someone else for happiness. When you depend on someone for happiness, you are making the relationship co-dependant. What a big stress for both of you. It's just NOT a good place to be in.
It's time to take your life back one step at a time. Make a list of things that you have always wanted to do. Then start making plans to do them. I know it's hard to do.
I remember after my boyfriend and I had split up that I had done this and I planned a trip anywhere with my him. My friends went with me to help out. I got up one morning at 5:30 and everyone else was asleep so I had decided to go walking at the beach. I got over there and could only think of how beautiful the place was and how great it would be to share with someone I loved. Before I knew it I was walking and crying and other morning runners/walkers were going by me with weird looks on their faces. That moment was so sad for me, but it was also a freeing moment. Even though I was crying because I was alone, I was still enjoying the view. Each time I planned something on my to-do list and did it, I always held an eerie sadness but at the same time, I freed my spirit because I was working on me and my past too. Healing, and moving forward for me.
That was 3 years ago . I am still single. I have bf now been in im happy for him but through out all of it I was serving my needs as well as others. I healed my soul, and honestly I still find ways of improving my life. I would like to share my life with someone. I can do all the things I want to do on my own. The next big trip I will plan will be my wedding-- in which I want to take place on the white beaches at sunset. I'm not in a hurry to rush that trip, because the next time I get into relationship I want it to be my life-time partner, my best friend for life.
So to anyone out there going through a rough time because of an ending marriage/long-term relationship. There is hope, just reach in and find yourself before worrying about another. And remember that the "What IFs" don't matter. Only deal with what’s real, that helps keep your stressors to a minimum.
I'm here for you when you need me.
5/13/10
Virgin....
i was watching CNN & the news was about the fighting in Gaza.
a thought came to mind about the Muslim belief that a man who gives up his life as a suicide bomber gets 72 virgins in the next life, hmmmm..
lately, i have heard on the news that young women were used as suicide bombers more,
maybe because there is a shortage of men fighters or because they have less use for their women who they treat as less important than men..
the question that pops in my mind is -- if the men suicide bombers get 72 virgins,
what do the women suicide bombers get?
a thought came to mind about the Muslim belief that a man who gives up his life as a suicide bomber gets 72 virgins in the next life, hmmmm..
lately, i have heard on the news that young women were used as suicide bombers more,
maybe because there is a shortage of men fighters or because they have less use for their women who they treat as less important than men..
the question that pops in my mind is -- if the men suicide bombers get 72 virgins,
what do the women suicide bombers get?
5/12/10
5/9/10
MY Own Love Story....
i feel bored on my daily routine in my life,
and my friend see it.so she introduce to me a site.
She want me to become happy and find my soul mate.
Then until one day i found myself that i enjoy it
.As I look at myself now, I started to receive mails and got many friends
I'm chatting with them if i have free time not expecting for a relationship online
I could hardly but i feel that I'm so much in love I don't know is this feeling is right?sometimes I'm always thinking.
but I've felt like known him for a years, still thinking if his the right man for me?
but I gave this strange so unconditionally and I'm hoping for this relationship to last.
I don't know until when?Or there will be a time for us?
For now I'm so happy too for having him in my life. and hope to see each other face to face soon.
And for the boys out there I'm not looking anymore,
As I'm happy now.I would like to be one man women as i am always.
My heart is exclusive for TIM only even its a long distance relationship,
I hope that it works.
I don't want to hurt his feeling and if GOD'S permit that are really the one of each other, I'll promise to be this way with him forever......GOD BLESS US!!!!!
SEE U SOON BABY>>LOVE YOU SO MUCH
and my friend see it.so she introduce to me a site.
She want me to become happy and find my soul mate.
Then until one day i found myself that i enjoy it
.As I look at myself now, I started to receive mails and got many friends
I'm chatting with them if i have free time not expecting for a relationship online
I could hardly but i feel that I'm so much in love I don't know is this feeling is right?sometimes I'm always thinking.
but I've felt like known him for a years, still thinking if his the right man for me?
but I gave this strange so unconditionally and I'm hoping for this relationship to last.
I don't know until when?Or there will be a time for us?
For now I'm so happy too for having him in my life. and hope to see each other face to face soon.
And for the boys out there I'm not looking anymore,
As I'm happy now.I would like to be one man women as i am always.
My heart is exclusive for TIM only even its a long distance relationship,
I hope that it works.
I don't want to hurt his feeling and if GOD'S permit that are really the one of each other, I'll promise to be this way with him forever......GOD BLESS US!!!!!
SEE U SOON BABY>>LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Live Life to the Fullest
Follow your heart. Where is your heart leading you? Chase your dreams. What are your dreams? And never stop until your soul is satisfied. Its better to truly live than to always be safe. Above all else, believe in yourself, and never stop chasing what you want the most.
Attack life with a ferocity unmatched by anything on this earth. Live your life don't let your life live you! Fear will run you in circles. Fear is used to control us everyday, fear of getting a ticket.. so don't speed, fear of getting fired.. so be good at work... fear runs our lives everyday. And while it does keep us safe to an extent is can also entrap us if we let it. Ive been through enough shit that Ive learned that truly the only thing to fear really is fear itself. Be smart, be sharp, be honest, be realistic, be determined, unyielding, and stubborn and the rest will fall into place.
Feeling helpless is truly an illusion that we give to ourselves so that we don't have to work so hard at life. If we open our eyes and face reality there is nothing we cannot do. There is always a way. We are our own worst enemies, no truly, we defeat ourselves worse than anything else on this earth. All of life is at our fingertips. Who or what is really keeping us from getting where we want to go?:
Money? No we can save Money.. it just takes longer..and most of us don't want to sacrifice long enough to save a lot of Money. People? No, other people are only people they have no control over us at all. Time? No, we can make time... truly if you really want something you will make time. We are the most limiting factors in our lives. Because we fear, we worry, we calculate, we obsess, we feel sorry for ourselves, we deny, we make excuses.... if we clear all the shit out of the way there really is nothing stopping us but the illusions we place in front of ourselves.
Just stop, ask whats keeping you from doing what you want, or whats keeping you from being where you want to be in life. Then honestly,(that's the hard part) honestly ask yourself why its stopping you? Dissect it, analyze it, pick it apart and look at it from different angles... its probably all just an illusion.
Will you make mistakes? Will you get hurt? Will you have regrets? Most likely yes but in the end you will prevail... smarter, wiser, stronger and far ahead of the "safe" people... and what amazing stories you will have to tell, what an amazing life you will have lived! Ive cried, Ive died, Ive been euphoric, Ive many regrets, and many triumphs... sometimes I wish I could forget the bad times but really as the time goes on I'm not sad for what Ive been through or where Ive been.... I LIVED and I am alive and when someone says to me... oh I'm going to break up with you.. I just kind of want to laugh... and I think to myself.. is that all. It would hurt but compared to what Ive been though it would only be a fleeting pain because I know that really its nothing and my life will go on. Things are in so much better perspective. I see life so much clearer now. What is real, what is an illusion, the beauty and the sorrow. I wish I could share it with everyone but we all have to live life on our own time and in our own way. So many people will never truly know what it is to live and to be alive. Life is so exquisite. The only way to appreciate it is to live it head on and never stop forging our way through it. Its just too short and in the end I am quite certain we will not wish we had been safe but that we had instead lived it... do or die, balls to the wall.
Give love on moms day..
People making list,
buying special gifts to give all during the special day of all the Moms life ,
and we can never thank them enough for giving us so much joy and bringing up to this world
but the greatest gift we can give them back that will never fade is our LOVE so everyone ,if you havent told your Mom , grammas, wives, GFs you love them Sunday is a day to let them know how much you love them and dont just wait for that day but tell them often if not everyday..
SMILE and stay safe..all
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